Confession: I find myself hopeless as of late. I find myself getting very discouraged and frustrated. I don’t think that it really has anything to do directly with diabetes but more a situational frustrated.
Confession:I am not confident. I play tough and like I am prepared to take everything on head on, it’s not real most of the time. I am a Capricorn, I enjoy structure, planning and control. I have no job, no car, no confidence (at least in myself), and as a result I don’t have control. I crave control of my own destiny and the power to determine it, this I do not have right now.
Confession: I feel like my dreams are out of reach. I once knew that I could do whatever I wanted and knew what that was. Now I feel defeated, discouraged and ashamed. I am 26 years old, unemployed, living at my parents house being supported by my boyfriends who works VERY hard. I am 26 years old and should be able to at the very least take care of my self. Now I feel like my dreams are gone and the best I can do is just make it.
Confession:I want to give up. Wouldn’t it be easier if I just didn’t try to fight my way out of the dark? I often find that I move forward for others and not for myself. There was once a time when I was supremely confident in my self, my decisions, my knowledge, and my abilities- this has moved away from me somewhere along the line.
Confession: I don’t feel like I deserve the help that I get and the guilt eats at me. I know that people think that I am taking advantage of Marshall and the feelings of guilt often consumes me. I often wonder whether he takes care of me because he knows I need help and he would never abandon someone or whether he just really wants to live this life with me. These feelings are affecting out relationship.
Confession:I want to have my life back. I continue to apply for jobs, I continue to try and stay busy, I continue to test monitor and correct, I continue to tread water. My question is when will I be able to actually MAKE PROGRESS? I am tired of “keeping my head up”, “putting one foot in front of the other”, “just continue swimming”, etc. I want to actually take steps forward, I want to make strides toward the things that I want.
Well… that should cover my confessions for now…